Best Humour Poems

We two were lovers, the Sea and I;
We plighted our troth ‘neath a summer sky.

And all through the riotous ardent weather
...

How often do I wish I were
What people call a character;
A ripe and cherubic old chappie
Who lives to make his fellows happy;
...

For my poems, my friend Valsa George has a hunger.
She’s over fifty, but, compared to me, she is younger.
She suggested I write about ‘the advantages of being old’.
It’s a challenge, but, Valsa, on this idea you have sold......
...

Handsome man ponder at my masculine size.
I'm not huge or toned to appeal to the judges eyes,
but when I begin to tell them
they think I'm telling lies.
...

On that dark night when I was not able to sleep
When I wanted to escape from this earth
to a different galaxy..  I flew high and landed in this galaxy of poetry
Where I am happy and more satisfied than ever before
...

My jolly fat host with your face all a-grin,
Come, open the door to us, let us come in.
A score of stout fellows who think it no sin
...

The night attendant, a B.U. sophomore,
rouses from the mare's-nest of his drowsy head
propped on The Meaning of Meaning.
He catwalks down our corridor.
...

Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought
countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send
hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs
and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the
...

Take up the White man's burden --
Send forth the best ye breed --
Go bind your sons to exile
To serve your captives' need;
...

I.
Wonder winged luminous in my eyes.
Elegance sheer I perceive and prize
On a flower who plays the sun of skies.
...

NOTHING so true as what you once let fall,
"Most Women have no Characters at all."
Matter too soft a lasting mark to bear,
And best distinguish'd by black, brown, or fair.
...

MY STRENGTH

What is in life, so great?
Hard times arrive to hurt
...

'Tis eight o'clock,--a clear March night,
The moon is up,--the sky is blue,
The owlet, in the moonlight air,
Shouts from nobody knows where;
...

GEORGIC I

What makes the cornfield smile; beneath what star
...

We laugh at the same funny things,
Our quick sense of humour just springs
From being together,
Whatever the weather,
...

He that cannot choose but love,
And strives against it still,
Never shall my fancy move,
For he loves 'gainst his will;
...

...

Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.

And which of the gods was it that set them on to quarrel? It was the son of Jove and Leto; for he was angry with the king and sent a pestilence upon the host to plague the people, because the son of Atreus had dishonoured Chryses his priest. Now Chryses had come to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and had brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo wreathed with a suppliant's wreath and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus, who were their chiefs.
...

Kanav Justa suggested I share my pizza with PoemHunter friends,
but I’ve found, when trying to send real pizza, my wife’s computer bends.
So you PoemHunter friends will have to settle for.... slices of my thoughts.
You’ll have to settle for “Poetic Pizza” Pieces my mind and pen have wrought.
...

He lives deep inside himself with burnt out emotions,
He can stll hear his piercing scream's,
When he had a bad fall from a horse in a race,
That ended all his dream's,
...

Some glory in their birth, some in their skill,
Some in their wealth, some in their body's force,
Some in their garments though new-fangled ill,
Some in their hawks and hounds, some in their horse;
...

Once opportunity missed means gone out of hand
Work remains undone as promised by friend
They are all missed and gone forever,
Will not come back again and lost for ever
...

The American Spirit speaks:


"If the Led Striker call it a strike,
...

I.

You're my friend:
I was the man the Duke spoke to;
...

'These Tourists, heaven preserve us! needs must live
A profitable life: some glance along,
Rapid and gay, as if the earth were air,
And they were butterflies to wheel about
...

She must be honest, both in thought and deed,
Of generous impulse, and above all greed;
Not seeking praise, or place, or power, or pelf,
But life’s best blessings for her higher self,
...

I know the thing that's most uncommon;
(Envy be silent and attend!)
I know a Reasonable Woman,
Handsome and witty, yet a Friend.
...

I.
A portal as of shadowy adamant
Stands yawning on the highway of the life
...

'And has the Sun his flaming chariot driven
Two hundred times around the ring of heaven,
Since Science first, with all her sacred train,
Beneath yon roof began her heavenly reign?
...

I am the redeemer
I will search your soul
to look for all you've given
and seek for all you hold
...

Descend from Heaven, Urania, by that name
If rightly thou art called, whose voice divine
Following, above the Olympian hill I soar,
Above the flight of Pegasean wing!
...

Well; I may now receive, and die. My sin
Indeed is great, but yet I have been in
A purgatory, such as fear'd hell is
A recreation and scant map of this.
...

Upon a time, before the faery broods
Drove Nymph and Satyr from the prosperous woods,
Before King Oberon's bright diadem,
...

Inch by Inch

Inch by inch
I shall impinge
...

You're my friend:
I was the man the Duke spoke to;
I helped the Duchess to cast off his yoke, too;
So here's the tale from beginning to end,
My friend!
...

I.
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan;
The proper study of mankind is man.
...

DEDICATION

Of great limbs gone to chaos,
A great face turned to night--
...

My mother’s brother’s sister’s name is Grace
She’s my aunt and likes to go from place to place
My mother’s sister’s brother’s name is Brad
He’s my uncle and he is my cousin’s Dad
...

Of the million or two, more or less,
I rule and possess,
One man, for some cause undefined,
Was least to my mind.
...

Hail, holy Light, offspring of Heaven firstborn,
Or of the Eternal coeternal beam
May I express thee unblam'd? since God is light,
And never but in unapproached light
...

I would die a poet
Pilgrim from a burnished land
Remembered for humour, compassion and love
Claimed by many as a friend.
...

Here bygynneth the Book of the tales of Caunterbury.

Whan that Aprille, with hise shoures soote,
The droghte of March hath perced to the roote
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
...

IF her disdain least change in you can move,
You do not love,
For when that hope gives fuel to the fire,
...

Where are my glasses, where did they go?
I’ve searched high, and I’ve searched low
I looked on the shelf and behind the TV
Where, oh where can my glasses be?
...

WE took our work, and went, you see,
To take an early cup of tea.
We did so now and then, to pay
The friendly debt, and so did they,
...

She said: the pitying audience melt in tears,
But Fate and Jove had stopp'd the Baron's ears.
In vain Thalestris with reproach assails,
For who can move when fair Belinda fails?
...

Dear Joseph,-- five and twenty years ago--
Alas! how time escapes -- 'tis even so!--
With frequent intercourse and always sweet
...

The last tall son of Lot and Bellicent,
And tallest, Gareth, in a showerful spring
Stared at the spate. A slender-shafted Pine
Lost footing, fell, and so was whirled away.
...

(16th January 1949)

I thank whatever gods may be
For all the happiness that's mine;
...

I live in the middle of nowhere, where nowhere's all around
And in the middle of nowhere, there are many nowhere sounds
Colourful birds in the middle of nowhere screech and squawk and trill
A choir of frogs sing in chorus in the centre of nowheresville
...

WHEN now Agenor had his daughter lost,
He sent his son to search on ev'ry coast;
And sternly bid him to his arms restore
The darling maid, or see his face no more,
...

BOOK I

Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who travelled far and wide
...

From brightening fields of ether fair disclosed,
Child of the Sun, refulgent Summer comes,
In pride of youth, and felt through Nature's depth:
...

Tall, and stout, and solid-looking,
Yet a wreck;
None would think Death's finger's hooking
...

Childhood, no more a time ‘tis to chill,
What a way, child's very child to kill!
It's time to draw a line,
Every child's no Einstein,
...

How can you, my Lord, thus delight to torment all
The Peers of realm about cheapening their corn,
When you know, if one hasn't a very high rental,
'Tis hardly worth while being very high born?
...

There is a man, his name is Brown,
He lives in a suburban town
And has an office in the city,
His misfortunes you will pity.
...

Here lies, whom hound did ne’er pursue,
Nor swiftewd greyhound follow,
Whose foot ne’er tainted morning dew,
Nor ear heard huntsman’s hallo’,
...

All night the dreadless Angel, unpursued,
Through Heaven's wide champain held his way; till Morn,
Waked by the circling Hours, with rosy hand
Unbarred the gates of light. There is a cave
...

'Howya? '
said the stone

(in a thick Irish accent)
...

See! Winter comes, to rule the varied Year,
Sullen, and sad; with all his rising Train,
Vapours, and Clouds, and Storms: Be these my Theme,
These, that exalt the Soul to solemn Thought,
...

That Providence which had so long the care
Of Cromwell's head, and numbred ev'ry hair,
Now in its self (the Glass where all appears)
Had seen the period of his golden Years:
...

The air was alpine fresh and the lake surface glistening
Bird song trilled for those who were listening
What a great afternoon, thought Glenn feeling chipper
A perfect moment to start up his new whipper snipper
...

Were I a king in very truth,
And had a son - a guileless youth -
In probable succession;
To teach him patience, teach him tact,
...

sometimes...
it really becomes difficult
to keep the HEAD in place
if you go through a political magazine
...

Brandy is a beagle
I've said a lot already
When you eat a tasty morsel
She can hold your gaze quite steady
...

It was somewhere in September, and the sun was going down,
When I came, in search of `copy', to a Darling-River town;
`Come-and-have-a-drink' we'll call it -- 'tis a fitting name, I think --
...

But do thy worst to steal thyself away,
For term of life thou art assured mine;
...

God
doesn't get much sympathy
from believers
or unbelievers
...

Rehearse to me ye sacred Sisters nine:
The golden brood of great Apolloes wit,
Those piteous plaints and sorrowful sad tine,
...

In my close vicinity has come a new neighbour
Who is seen by all as a terrible bore
No one is quite sure of his identity
And no body seems to endure his audacity
...

THE THIRD BOOKE OF THE FAERIE QUEENE
Contayning
THE LEGENDE OF BRITOMARTIS
OR OF CHASTITIECANTO VI
...

Flash your pass at the sensor and it responds
With a blue light and two beeps, one short, one long
Drag open the door and step into a cold chamber
This is the world of the backup ranger
...

The plural in English is usually made
By adding an 's', so don't be afraid
Of making this sound so that it can be heard
At the end of the plural form of a word
...

Are you ashamed of your tiny smile?
Does it make you embarrassed?
Does it limit your social life?
Wouldn’t you like to draw all the chicks,
...

Wished I could enjoy and celebrate
Give vent to my feeling and relate
Why I accept the challenge and don’t hate?
Special occasion as today is my birth date
...

He had offices in Sydney, not so many years ago,
And his shingle bore the legend `Peter Anderson and Co.',
But his real name was Careless, as the fellows understood --
...

Lemon pepper sauce has a lemony peppery zing
It's a lemony peppery, peppery lemony saucy kind of thing
Made with lemon zest and peppercorns and garlic that's been pressed
Splash it on your salad so it's tantalisingly, tastefully dressed
...

Harry, whose tuneful and well-measured song
First taught our English music how to span
Words with just note and accent, not to scan
With Midas’ ears, committing short and long,
...

First you must pick your molehill, now here's a tip
The smaller the better, tinier than the tiniest microchip
From this speck you can conjure mountainous masses
Of soaring peaks dropping into bottomless crevasses
...

It ended, and the morrow brought the task.
Her eyes were guilty gates, that let him in
By shutting all too zealous for their sin:
Each sucked a secret, and each wore a mask.
...

I yearn to show you, praise you, to the world -
-and straightway hear you: 'Inappropriate...';
said with firm authority, and yet
said kindly, smiling, thoughtful; as if part
...

'I had rather be a kitten, and cry mew!
Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers'~Shakespeare
...

Now what in the name of the sun and the stars
Is the meaning of this most unholy of wars?
...

Driving along in her bread truck early one morn
With everything going exactly as norm
Margaret spied a lone wheel on the left trundling ahead
Turned to her brother, the newspaper he read
...

The ship in a bottle brought back from Bristol
The vase filled with flowers made of finest crystal
Wedding photographs of children proudly displayed
Souvenirs of wood and iron, some made of green jade
...

WHEN the breeze of a joyful dawn blew free
In the silken sail of infancy,
The tide of time flow'd back with me,
The forward-flowing tide of time;
...

There is a sign in heaven's kitchen,
That says enter at your own risk,
Be mindful of the lichen,
And the low flying whisk!
...

The doctor advised Leigh’s gallbladder must be removed
A few simple snips and his health would be improved
She told him to sign up for a Cholecystectomy, Laparoscopic
Four incisions are sliced for surgery microscopic
...

Hail to thy pencil! well its glowing art
Has traced those features painted on my heart;
Now, though in distant scenes she soon will rove,
Still here I behold the friend I love--
...

Even if your life is hard
Even if your face is scarred
Even if the road is rough
Even if your meat is tough
...

Not have another cigarette, you surely must be jesting
It is my sense of humour that you can only be testing
You obviously don't realise that without them I cannot function
I must have them before breakfast, after dinner and after luncheon
...

People may not be laughing
All the way to the banks,
But going by SMS AND JOKES,
Still some have humour intact.
...

To love and a wedding
~
I share in the joy of my friends
While the air is filled with songs
...

How the returning days, one after one,
Came ever in their rhythmic round, unchanged,
Yet from each looped robe for every man
...

As Rochefoucauld his maxims drew
From Nature, I believe 'em true:
They argue no corrupted mind
...

Charles Charles
Harrison Harrison
Darrowby Borg Capri
Looked great
...

Next is item six, a bag of nothing, who'll give me an opening price
A bag of nothing sitting on your shelf would look rather nice
Come on give me a bid, oh is that five dollars I hear
But surely I can get more for this perfectly formed sphere
...

Today Jeny is having a bouncy birthday blast
At the table will be included a distinctly canine cast
Denver, a delightful, dapper dynamo of origin half chihuahua
And Alfie, his maltese mate who helps him create brouhaha
...

Am I a cockapoo or one of those spoodles
Either way, I've got oodles and oodles
Of energy, I bounce off the walls
Literally, I don't care if I fall
...